“For so long I felt like God forgot about me,” I texted a friend through tears one afternoon many years ago.
Honestly, I don’t remember what elicited the tearful text. I see my tired body cradled in the grey suede rocking chair- a cozy cocoon where I nursed and bounced babies to sleep for hours on end.
I was coming out of a haze of two under two life, a haze of postpartum rage, a haze of grief, and a haze of hope deferred. I remember hope peeking out of my heart to see if it was safe to come out and play. I remember sensing God’s hand on my shoulder- His eye on the sparrow. To this day I find rest in my rocking chair revelation:
I am not in the shuffle, I am led by the Shepherd.
Moms talk about the hidden years- the years in the trenches with diapers and dishes for days. The years we don’t recognize the fragile face in the mirror. The years of sleepless nights and endless crumbs. And finally, that quiet moment we cautiously, yet curiously welcome a new reflection in the mirror. There is nothing quite like the metamorphosis that occurs when a woman becomes a mother. Tears shed. Joy found. Hope born. A labor of love.
I see my beloved grey suede rocker on the curb- my cocoon now a trophy of triumphal metamorphosis. Babies don’t keep and families move away. A sweet neighbor waves and asks if she can have it. Of course. The rocker where the Rock and Redeemer reminded me that I wasn’t lost.
Friend, if you’re feeling lost in life’s shuffle, I want to remind you that you are not lost. You are led by the Good Shepherd. God sees you. He has not forgotten you. Let hope come out and play again.
I’m thankful for my grey suede rocker. I am thankful for what I thought I lacked. For in time, the lack revealed Who led each step.
You see, I was never lacking, nor lost in the shuffle. I was being led by the Shepherd.
When all I had was a tent in the wilderness- He prepared a table.
When all I had were five little loaves- He multiplied my lunch.
In every valley- a visitation.
On every mountain- a miracle.
In the storm- a Shepherd.
On the rocker- a Redeemer.
I am not lost; I do not lack.
For I am led by the Good Shepherd.
And you are, too.
With Love,
Audra
P.S. Will you read Psalm 23 today? Take your time. Read it silently or out loud. Read it with tears or with joy. However you read Psalm 23, the Lord will remind you that He is your Good Shepherd- His gentle hand on your shoulder, His eye on the sparrow. Yes and Amen!
Thank you for being open. I love how you said "Let hope come out and play."
Thank you for being real and honest. Your intimacy with the Lord is evident.